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Bigdave_185:
Conversations with mom as he is my step son are void. We took the challenge of kids as a whole.  There is not much disagreement about most topics but I fall into dad roll in this and push for the "man up" side and mom leads the other direction.

Real dad wants the life long five year old from the ever growing ten year old. Does all the things that seem to hold him back not help him grow.  Issue we don't think we have enough time to discuss.



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cudakidd53:
Tough situation there Dave.  My first recommendation is for you and your wife to get on the same page....period.  Being step-dad, you are in a no-win situation and by default, give leverage to his father who seems to be somewhat aligned with your wife's views.  Sucks - been there with my older two children with their mother and (true oxygen thief) short term step-father.  They were on the same page, all be it a destructive one, and I lost big time.  It straightened out in time.....8 years!

More importantly, your relationship with your wife must be paramount and take first priority.  If you can't both get on the same page, that'll create problems bigger than those of your step-sons.  The dynamic that he witnesses between you two is more important than him being emotional and the problems that might cause.  Whatever you and your wife come to agreement on regarding this situation and how to handle it, if you disagree, you'll have to "play the part" for the greater good.

Pray for Gods guidance for you and your wife; your step-son's father too.....this is a way tougher situation than initially laid-out.  Our prayers are with you Dave!

Flyin6:

--- Quote from: Bigdave_185 on September 22, 2017, 12:03:52 AM ---Conversations with mom as he is my step son are void. We took the challenge of kids as a whole.  There is not much disagreement about most topics but I fall into dad roll in this and push for the "man up" side and mom leads the other direction.

Real dad wants the life long five year old from the ever growing ten year old. Does all the things that seem to hold him back not help him grow.  Issue we don't think we have enough time to discuss.



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--- End quote ---
I have much the same situation. The three girls are not mine biologically. Their real dad and my wife have different ideas for them so I just go along. I am more of a caretaker of them and help when I can. Real dad makes the big calls and since he is wired right (Former Marine) I do not interfere, and even build him up to the girls all the time.
However the boys are mine and hers and they live by different rules. Wife doesn't always agree, but I insist on my position as God has laid it out. I focus on him and try to lead accordingly. The Lord says she is my helper so we try and work at it with that in mind. However being a woman who is not vying to be superior in the modern american (wrong) context adds turbulence to be sure. I simply believe God had it right. I lead, I am supposed to love her. She is supposed to be my helper. She is called to respect me. That's it nothing more to be added. It works some time.

Bigdave_185:
I will continue to pray and will discuss with the wife more when our emotions are not the hammer behind the convo.  Thank you for he good advise.   

A co worker said to me today
" I don't fear anything in this world!, except my wife"    So true from a man married for forty years to the same woman


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