GENERAL TOPICS > D.O.T.

Winter driving

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Higher Caliber:
I wrote this after a day of working back to back traffic accidents after a little ice storm this weekend-

Before embarking on a wintry wonderland journey, keep these tips in mind. When it comes to winter driving, preparation and planning are key. Make sure you literally have the baldest tires available to you. The more rubber surface area in contact with the ice and snow, the better traction you will have. Think “racing slicks”.

It is important to wait until the very last minute available before you step outside to get in your vehicle. This way you will not get distracted clearing your windows and lose track of time, potentially causing yourself to be tardy. An area roughly the size of your hand scraped off with a quarter, coat hanger, card board Dairy Queen box, or potentially your finger nails is all you need. (Pro tip-In a pinch you can use a few tablespoons of your coffee to melt a small area.)  A less common option we should mention is to hang your head out your driver’s side window. (Use caution when approaching other drivers exercising the same technique.)

Do not pre-warm your vehicles! It wastes gas and it’s horrible for the environment. While we are talking about gas, make sure you have *just* enough to get to where you need to go. The lighter load of the empty tank will make your vehicle easier to recover from the ditch or a death spin on an exit ramp.

Furthermore, When your vehicle is warm and toasty it encourages a relaxed driving experience. In the winter you need to be on top of your game. Shivering  encourages you to be more alert. Your bodies natural effort to ward off hypothermia will also literally assist in reactivity and mental clarity!

When driving in winter weather conditions, keep your side windows down to increase your peripheral visibility. Instruct your toddlers on how to monitor your blind spots for encroaching vehicles. Winter driving is a team effort.

Aggressively accelerating away from stop signs and stop lights is encouraged. You don’t want to still be in the intersection when the other dumbass in cross traffic slides through the intersection because they tried to use their brakes (more on that later). It is also important to accelerate around blind curves, braking in a curve could put you in the ditch. Curves are not your friend in the winter. Use straight roads when possible. When approaching a curve, quickly GPS a straighter route.

GPS units are required by NASA to only display safe routes during winter. Trust your GPS!! Especially if you are a truck driver... with 80,000 pounds of dynamite! If your GPS offers a route up or down a steep grade in an ice storm, it’s because the other way had a curve and the DOT has cleared the hill! NASA and the DOT are in constant communication during winter. 

On brakes- don’t use them, they don’t work in icy conditions anyway. The only time braking is advised is to check road conditions. If you are unsure whether or not you are traveling on black ice, a quick assertive stomp and release of the brake pedal is your litmus test.

It is important to not be trapped behind slower moving vehicles. You never want to be the middle pancake. Tailgate the forward vehicle while passive aggressively flashing your lights and honking your horn to warn them of the danger you are in. The decreased distance between your vehicle and their vehicle will limit the inertia of impact if you are rear ended. It is of the utmost importance that you pass these slower moving vehicles. Oncoming vehicles are required by winter driving doctrine to yield to drivers in your distressed and compromised position.

If you are ever involved in an accident, no matter the damage, do not move your vehicle. Instruct the other involved drivers you will have them arrested for tampering with evidence if they try to move their car. Take as many photos from as many different angles as possible regardless of other traffic.

Other drivers are required by Good Samaritan laws to stop and render you aid. If they drive around you, document their license plate numbers and provide them to the Traffic CSI unit upon their arrival. If a dispatcher tries to pull the “emergency road conditions” BS on you, immediately remind them who pays their salary and what you plan to bring up the next time you are at coffee with the chief.

In the event of an accident it is always the fault of the other car that came in “flying out of nowhere”! (This, along with testimony incriminating others who may or may not be present, should be your only statement to law enforcement, period.. oh, and reminding them who pays their salary.)

Safe winter driving is everyone’s responsibility, including Jesus Christ. If all else fails in a catastrophic pinch just close your eyes, hug yourself let Jesus take the wheel and hope for the freaking best!


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stlaser:
 :popcorn:

Bigdave_185:
Now where do I get these tires at?   


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stlaser:
Gov surplus auction thread?

TexasRedNeck:
LOL. It’s even worse in places that only get winter precip once every 5 years


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