GENERAL TOPICS > Parenting
A Father's Lamentation
Farmer Jon:
Sorry for your loss.
Flyin6:
This is a lot
Two losses really
Very sorry for everything...
cudakidd53:
Been off-line for a bit due to the Memorial Service for Jacob, my son. I'm posting my remarks from his service below; there were 200+ kid his age there from all over the country and Canada. Vancouver, Oregon, Wisconsin, Illinois and a pair of his friend drove in from Seattle Washington in a Drift car.....that's dedication! Hopefully the words planted a seed for some of them; I do know it spoke to my fathers heart as he was there with my younger brother and commented so. Thanks to all of you for your prayers!
Jacob Michael Poehler
I want to thank everyone for this awesome showing of support to Jacob’s mother Jeanie and husband Dave, sister Alexa and her husband Dax and their son Toan, Jacob’s step-mother Stacy, sister Madison and I, during this difficult time.
Jacob was my only son; I was proud and excited about the man he was becoming. Jacob was always a hilarious kid. One Christmas Eve in church when Jacob was probably 4 years old, Father Jim called the kids up front to read the Christmas Story to them. When gets to the part where it mentions “the Ox and the Ass”, Jacob busts out, “Ooooh, he said ASS!” breaking the place up in polite chuckles.
Not long after that Christmas, Jacob continued with his at Church comedy routine. After Sunday morning service, he was standing next to one of the women of the church (Ruth Kozlowski) he’d regularly give a hug to. As he’s standing next to her, arms around her legs he proceeded to run his hand up one of her legs below her skirt proclaiming, “Ooooh, SLIDEY” referencing the slick nature of her nylons; only Jacob could pull that off and make you wonder if he actually hadn’t planned it somehow!
I’ve recently learned things about Jake I didn’t know; for example, he LOVED karaoke! Shouldn’t have been a surprise to me; before children, his mother and I had a mid 60’s Plymouth Valiant we called the Green Bean. One Friday evening, out driving around in it we both spontaneously started belting out Show Tunes from Musicals without ANY idea where we were coming up with from! Come to find out, Jacob LOVED to torture his friends, trapping them in his vehicle blasting John Denver tunes, with him singing at the top of his lungs!
His spontaneity involved road trips - like driving off to the I-80 Truck Stop in Iowa, labeled as the World’s Largest Truck Stop. What’s not to like? Acres of parking, hot showers, diner food, ice cream, shopping, haircuts, Semi-Wash and Detailing, Full Service Diesel Mechanic, Movies, Game Room, Fuel etc. While he was there, he came across an assortment of truck stop t-shirts and thus started his collection of dramatic wildlife t-shirts.
The one that stands out in my memory was one of two wolves; a white one howling at the moon while a dark one slinks in the background.
As I recalled this shirt of Jacob’s, it reminded me - Native Americans often compare man’s soul to being two indwelling wolves, a white one and a black one; a struggle between good and evil. There is EVIL in this world, we all see it; sometimes we fail to recognize it. Bipolar Depression is one of those evils and it cost us Jacob.
Alone in a motel room in Southwestern Iowa, the call I never wanted to make or receive came. At the first sound of Jeanie’s voice, I felt my heart being rendt from my chest - a raw, burning emptiness growing with each minute. After the call and subsequent calls I needed to make, ifs and buts swirled through my head. Some of those calls I made that night were for request of prayers for all of us and especially Jacob’s mother Jeanie. I spent that night myself praying for us all and especially Jeanie. I feared for what awaited her once she and Dave got to Oregon to deal with it all.
Those prayers worked miracles on multiple levels, which in turn, started to refill the emptiness in my heart. When Jeanie and Dave arrived in Oregon, several of Jacob’s friends had of their own will and initiative, cleaned Jacob’s place, packed up his belongings, arranged for driving his truck, drift car, trailer and belongings back here to Illinois - YOU gentlemen, answered those prayers and I cannot thank you enough!
At times like this, people tend to ask the question, why? I don’t think there’s ever an answer for that. What I do believe, is that there is always something good that can come out of tragedy and evil. Despite all the negative thoughts, self blaming and doubt I’ve had - what really stuck was the one failure I have to own through it all. As a Christian father, I failed to make certain that Jacob knew about Christ’s love and gift of redemption for all of us. Which wolf do we choose to feed? I choose to feed the white one and starve evil. That fatherly duty, that I failed to do for Jacob, I share instead with all of you-
For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth on him, shall not perish but have everlasting life. God loves you all - He gave his only begotten son, Jesus; for salvation of this lost and dying world. It’s his free gift to all of humankind, who must do but one thing - accept it. We must only admit we are sinners, ask God for forgiveness of our sins and accept his gift of redemption. If you would like to know more about this, please don’t hesitate to speak with me.
So, what proof do I have for Christ’s love and salvation you ask? The strength and ability to speak to you tonight. The answered prayers for Jeanie, where Jacob’s friends stepped up and did the remarkable. The story of one of Jacob’s friends reaching out to Jacob regarding that friends own struggle with Depression and Jacob talking that individual out of ending their life; they’re alive today. Untold acts of kindness and supportive words of friends and strangers for multiple members of Jacob’s family; these are the things that help fill that void rendt ones my chest from our loss of Jacob’s.
So, in my mind, funerals are catharsis for the living; we support each other in the loss of someone we love as we say goodbye. Now what if we flipped that for a minute - JUST THINK how different our lives could be, if we all made sure to show and tell people how special they are with regularity while we are ALIVE? Which wolf would we be feeding if we all did that?
In this present age of the digital world, it’s too damn easy to tear each other down through social media. Put down the phones, get off Facebook, talk face to face, look each other in the eyes and get to know each other on a deeper and more personal level. Think how different life might be?
Instead of stumbling now through the aftermath of the black wolf’s feast, we might all be watching that wild child with the long brown hair, shorts and his moccasins, singing karaoke with an impish grin, or smoking the tires on his yellow Nissan as he drifts around the track with glee!
I ask that you all:
SEEK GOD’S SALVATION-
SUPPORT EACH OTHER-
LEAN ON EACH OTHER-
BUILD EACH OTHER UP-
LOVE EACH OTHER-
Feed the right wolf as there’s a battle for your souls and I want that F___ing black wolf to starve to death, until Christ returns and defeats evil forever!
God grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change-
The courage to seek Christ and change those things that you can-
And may He grant you the wisdom to know the difference.
Flyin6:
Sobering-
Well said
Awesome responsibility...
EL TATE:
Thank you for sharing this with us.
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