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Author Topic: 10 Jokes for Engineers (or a Pilut)  (Read 2739 times)

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Offline stlaser

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10 Jokes for Engineers (or a Pilut)
« on: January 12, 2016, 01:05:23 PM »
Who said engineers have no sense of humor?

1. Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

2. To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

3. A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
 The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
 The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
 He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
 The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
 The group fell silent for a moment.
 The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
 The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
 The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

4. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
 Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

5. The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
 The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
 The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
 The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

6. Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
 One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
 Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
 The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

7. Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting coefficient of friction. Interrupting coefficient of fri.... mmmuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu (μ)

8. Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
 The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
 The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

9. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
 The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
 Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
 Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
 The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

10. A wife asks her husband, a software engineer...
 "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!" A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had eggs."
Living in the remote north hoping Ken doesn’t bring H up here any time soon…..

Offline Nate

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Re: 10 Jokes for Engineers (or a Pilut)
« Reply #1 on: January 12, 2016, 01:33:07 PM »
I really like #4.  because I get to play with the toys that the mechanical engineers make to show the civil engineers how they have to build stronger targets.  ;D  now that is an interesting cycle to be apart of!
If you need the promise of eternity in the kingdom of heaven to be a good person … You were never a good person in the first place!

Offline stlaser

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Re: 10 Jokes for Engineers (or a Pilut)
« Reply #2 on: January 12, 2016, 01:49:31 PM »
Copy, this list of jokes screamed RM
Living in the remote north hoping Ken doesn’t bring H up here any time soon…..

Offline Bear9350

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Re: 10 Jokes for Engineers (or a Pilut)
« Reply #3 on: January 12, 2016, 01:52:33 PM »
#1 Isn't entirely true.  Broken or not an engineer will always believe it can be done better.

Offline cudakidd53

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Re: 10 Jokes for Engineers (or a Pilut)
« Reply #4 on: January 12, 2016, 03:13:51 PM »
5. The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
 The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
 The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
 The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
The graduate with the arts degree says, "That looks like crap- you should have paid an artist to actually modify the design so that it works, looks good doing it, thereby increasing your profit margin because there's and increased demand for it, even if your stupid kid doesn't know how to work it, they'll buy it with the money they steal from you, because you've spoiled them so much, they don't need to make or sell me my fries............"  :P
« Last Edit: January 12, 2016, 03:17:00 PM by cudakidd53 »
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Offline Sammconn

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Re: 10 Jokes for Engineers (or a Pilut)
« Reply #5 on: January 12, 2016, 08:01:53 PM »
SMH! I snorted a few times there.
Would love to be in the #4 scenario with ha Nate!
Blowing stuff up is always a good time.
I just don't want to wind up missing a digit or limb.  I can sometimes get in a hurry to get results.
Sam

Offline Atkinsmatt

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Re: 10 Jokes for Engineers (or a Pilut)
« Reply #6 on: January 12, 2016, 08:09:55 PM »
#4. Combat Engineers blow weapons and targets up.
Matt
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Offline EL TATE

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Re: 10 Jokes for Engineers (or a Pilut)
« Reply #7 on: January 13, 2016, 10:33:35 AM »
5. The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
 The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
 The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
 The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
The graduate with the arts degree says, "That looks like crap- you should have paid an artist to actually modify the design so that it works, looks good doing it, thereby increasing your profit margin because there's and increased demand for it, even if your stupid kid doesn't know how to work it, they'll buy it with the money they steal from you, because you've spoiled them so much, they don't need to make or sell me my fries............"  :P

HAHAHAHA! I was wondering if we would hear from you on this!
Husband, Father, Gear guy, Patriot.

Offline cudakidd53

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Re: 10 Jokes for Engineers (or a Pilut)
« Reply #8 on: January 13, 2016, 12:05:26 PM »
5. The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
 The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
 The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
 The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
The graduate with the arts degree says, "That looks like crap- you should have paid an artist to actually modify the design so that it works, looks good doing it, thereby increasing your profit margin because there's and increased demand for it, even if your stupid kid doesn't know how to work it, they'll buy it with the money they steal from you, because you've spoiled them so much, they don't need to make or sell me my fries............"  :P

HAHAHAHA! I was wondering if we would hear from you on this!

Slow day teaching how to serve fries with that.......so took the bait and jumped into the boat with the fishermen!  BAH HAHA! ;)
« Last Edit: January 13, 2016, 02:22:13 PM by nmeyer414 »
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Offline rpar86

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Re: 10 Jokes for Engineers (or a Pilut)
« Reply #9 on: January 27, 2016, 01:53:26 AM »
As an engineer of sorts (IT admin) I definitely chuckled at most of these.
Ryan
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Offline cj7ox

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Re: 10 Jokes for Engineers (or a Pilut)
« Reply #10 on: February 19, 2016, 04:04:12 PM »
Good ones! Had to copy and send to a young engineer and aspiring whirlybird pilot I mentor.  ;D
~Sean M. Davis

“The citizens of a free state ought to consist of those only who bear arms.” ~Aristotle

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