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Offline Bigdave_185

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Emotions
« on: September 20, 2017, 10:45:12 PM »
The ten year old boy shows his let's call them um    " emotions".    I don't have any emotion except Anger, Happy and don't Bother me.

What now?


Please edit title to emotions please

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« Last Edit: September 21, 2017, 12:41:30 AM by nmeyer414 »

Offline EL TATE

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Re: Emotions
« Reply #1 on: September 21, 2017, 11:09:28 AM »
Probably just starting up on them there hormonal changes at that age? I'm guessing you're talking about more of the waterworks type of "emotions". I had those "issues" around that time too. If I had a chance to go back in time I'd like someone to have told me I wasn't screwing up by having them because it just made things worse thinking I was failing at being a boy. I can't tell you how to get rid of them, I guess I just self adjusted, but maybe just ask him "why he feels this way" and get him to explain it to himself, and maybe he'll start to see that he's not reacting correctly to individual situations.
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Offline Bigdave_185

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Re: Emotions
« Reply #2 on: September 21, 2017, 12:29:20 PM »
I guess I grew up under the stipulation that boys just don't do that. Crying because pain never changes the pain threshold, it doesn't reduce stress or anxiety (often it enhances it) I can't think of but two times when water works is useful. Spiritual moments sure maybe, death or remorse, otherwise

Tate you said you had people tell you it was the wrong way ? Did you become more adherent to it and take thought to not display emotion or did it cause more because you felt something else was wrong also ?


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Offline EL TATE

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Re: Emotions
« Reply #3 on: September 21, 2017, 01:19:46 PM »
I was born in '80, had 3 sisters and an overprotective mommy and grew up with the same expectation, but anytime I got yelled at for something I would break down. I wasn't an injury crier; broke a lot of bones early on and pain was not a thing for me after that. I'd get in trouble for something, then get in trouble for crying, and it would just get worse. Only an issue with Dad for whatever reason. and I could never really explain it, and eventually I would just clam up and either shake or nod my head rather than cry outloud. I guess I just got over it after I started 6th grade and middle school and it was clearly obvious that it wasn't socially acceptable or I'd never make it. This is a lot of personal information but if it's helpful in anyway so be it. I am in no way advocating that you don't try to curb it early, because it was not helpful for me to be that emotional and it has followed me into adulthood with no benefits, I'm just saying telling me to "knock it off", or "straighten up" was not helpful. So I guess my suggestions are more along the lines of what not to do.
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Offline KensAuto

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Re: Emotions
« Reply #4 on: September 21, 2017, 02:03:08 PM »
Sometimes it's true emotion showing. Just because you didn't "cry" over certain things doesn't mean that he is chemically balanced the same way. When I was young, like many others in previous generations, we were tought to "man up". Problem is, when some people bottle up those emotions, they can do different things with them, including turning them into anger or hate. I'm not saying to buy him a dozen roses, but I wouldn't go all hard ass on him either. I believe a healthy conversation with him might be the best. Teach him that being a strong man in this day and age is difficult, but essential to having a strong future family (core LDS teachings iirc).
Now, the Ken from ten years ago would recommend taking him out back and beating some sense into him, so take my ramblings with a grain of salt, and I'll pray for you and your son in the mean time.
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Offline cudakidd53

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Re: Emotions
« Reply #5 on: September 21, 2017, 02:27:19 PM »
Have the conversation and don't press him to bottle it up.  My mother was killed in a train wreck when I was a Freshman in HS.  I cried some at first and then I manned up and filled in on chores and such for my dad and little brother in place of what my mom was doing to a degree and enabled my Dad to NOT step up....turns to anger.  Let's just say that in HS playing football at 5'-10" weighing 155 as a Senior playing defensive end I excelled at shedding anger legally kicking the crap out of anyone across from me regardless of size.  As a Junior, the Seniors held me down after plays to attempt to adjust my attitude so I wouldn't practice so hard.....I just hit them harder the next play!  Once Football was over there wasn't any outlet for the anger and it eventually shows up in my relationship with the practice wife......verbally mind you, but not good!

Help him process it now, there Big Dave.
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Offline TexasRedNeck

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Re: Emotions
« Reply #6 on: September 21, 2017, 03:04:28 PM »
What age Dave?


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Offline Bob Smith

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Re: Emotions
« Reply #7 on: September 21, 2017, 03:36:29 PM »
It is the start of a long road Dave. Try to be there for him when ever he wants to talk about whatever is bothering him. Let him know crying and outbursts really are not the end all answer to every problem that comes along. It will only get worse  If he wears his emotions on his sleeve, and will compound the actions of his classmates toward him. Could lead to very serious problems, Nothing wrong with asking our Lord for guidance, yes for both you and the boy.

Offline Nate

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Re: Emotions
« Reply #8 on: September 21, 2017, 04:12:02 PM »
my recommendation would be to get him into some sort of a physical type sport (boxing, wrestling, hockey, football, etc).

I could write you a book regarding all of this, as I grew up in / in and out of foster care from 6 to 18.  but could you give us some more info like; what was the root cause of the release of emotions, how was he acting/re-acting, if he is your "step son" what kind of conversation has been had with your wife/his mother, etc.........?
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Offline Bigdave_185

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Re: Emotions
« Reply #9 on: September 22, 2017, 12:01:21 AM »
Ok,

Well emotion like said is not my thing. 

The crying comes usually from a embarrassing moment, or a slight injury,   Weather if he out on the grounds or with just family.  It seems to be always the cry option.   

Out riding DB I have instructed that a fall is a fall and get up and get going again. Crying only trails the dust down your face.   I usually ask why are you crying? Response is it hurts or something to that nature which I reply.  So does crying help?  Of course it doesn't help. Let's do what helps..... and so forth

If mother is around the mother long takes place.

If it's being upset with kids out in the neighborhood there is a retreat to inside and emotion about it inside.   




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Offline Bigdave_185

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Re: Emotions
« Reply #10 on: September 22, 2017, 12:03:52 AM »
Conversations with mom as he is my step son are void. We took the challenge of kids as a whole.  There is not much disagreement about most topics but I fall into dad roll in this and push for the "man up" side and mom leads the other direction.

Real dad wants the life long five year old from the ever growing ten year old. Does all the things that seem to hold him back not help him grow.  Issue we don't think we have enough time to discuss.



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Offline cudakidd53

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Re: Emotions
« Reply #11 on: September 25, 2017, 08:28:40 PM »
Tough situation there Dave.  My first recommendation is for you and your wife to get on the same page....period.  Being step-dad, you are in a no-win situation and by default, give leverage to his father who seems to be somewhat aligned with your wife's views.  Sucks - been there with my older two children with their mother and (true oxygen thief) short term step-father.  They were on the same page, all be it a destructive one, and I lost big time.  It straightened out in time.....8 years!

More importantly, your relationship with your wife must be paramount and take first priority.  If you can't both get on the same page, that'll create problems bigger than those of your step-sons.  The dynamic that he witnesses between you two is more important than him being emotional and the problems that might cause.  Whatever you and your wife come to agreement on regarding this situation and how to handle it, if you disagree, you'll have to "play the part" for the greater good.

Pray for Gods guidance for you and your wife; your step-son's father too.....this is a way tougher situation than initially laid-out.  Our prayers are with you Dave!
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Offline Flyin6

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Re: Emotions
« Reply #12 on: September 26, 2017, 10:00:08 AM »
Conversations with mom as he is my step son are void. We took the challenge of kids as a whole.  There is not much disagreement about most topics but I fall into dad roll in this and push for the "man up" side and mom leads the other direction.

Real dad wants the life long five year old from the ever growing ten year old. Does all the things that seem to hold him back not help him grow.  Issue we don't think we have enough time to discuss.



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I have much the same situation. The three girls are not mine biologically. Their real dad and my wife have different ideas for them so I just go along. I am more of a caretaker of them and help when I can. Real dad makes the big calls and since he is wired right (Former Marine) I do not interfere, and even build him up to the girls all the time.
However the boys are mine and hers and they live by different rules. Wife doesn't always agree, but I insist on my position as God has laid it out. I focus on him and try to lead accordingly. The Lord says she is my helper so we try and work at it with that in mind. However being a woman who is not vying to be superior in the modern american (wrong) context adds turbulence to be sure. I simply believe God had it right. I lead, I am supposed to love her. She is supposed to be my helper. She is called to respect me. That's it nothing more to be added. It works some time.
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Offline Bigdave_185

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Re: Emotions
« Reply #13 on: September 26, 2017, 11:08:35 AM »
I will continue to pray and will discuss with the wife more when our emotions are not the hammer behind the convo.  Thank you for he good advise.   

A co worker said to me today
" I don't fear anything in this world!, except my wife"    So true from a man married for forty years to the same woman


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