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Offline TexasRedNeck

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A dad's reality check
« on: August 06, 2015, 11:57:51 PM »
My oldest, my 11 year old daughter, had her first period this weekend. It hit me that there is no stopping her growing into a woman.   I won't say I cried, but I sure thought about it.

I realized that I have to up my parenting game. And pray. Pray hard
So now, to start cleaning a few weapons...


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« Last Edit: August 07, 2015, 12:01:00 AM by TexasRedNeck »
Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

Joshua 6:20-24

Offline EL TATE

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #1 on: August 07, 2015, 12:28:36 AM »
I'll pray for you.  I had 3 sisters, and now have a 4 year old daughter.
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Offline JR

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #2 on: August 07, 2015, 02:27:27 AM »
Read my other posts on my 12 year old (13 in Oct). That is old news around hear.

Don't worry, it gets, errr, something,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
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Offline Wilbur

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #3 on: August 07, 2015, 05:02:12 AM »
My oldest daughter is 21....her younger sister is 14 (with a 19 yo boy sandwiched between). Girls are hard for sure. But they are also....always....my little girl(s)...I am lucky...the oldest is now a very stree smart NYC woman (as much as i hate/love NYC (great place to visit...don't want to lI've there again))...the younger is just becoming a wise 14 yo but at 5'10' she is also one who has seen her share of nonsense and is quick to taje care of herself (God bless her).....but woe to the SOB who does them harm. I have told one guy that if he misbehaved his parents would be having a memorial service without a body because I know where to hide it so it would never be found. Others I just show them the magnificence of a .45 round....purely academically yunnerstand. ;) I want them to learn sumthin acourse....ha!

Offline TexasRedNeck

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #4 on: August 07, 2015, 06:52:10 PM »
Ha Wilbur. I was thinking. Back hoe and some bags of lime....


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Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

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Offline TexasRedNeck

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A dad's reality check
« Reply #5 on: August 07, 2015, 06:52:43 PM »


Thanks for the notes guys. Helps to know y'all have been there.  Will need help for sure.



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« Last Edit: August 07, 2015, 06:53:16 PM by TexasRedNeck »
Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

Joshua 6:20-24

Offline Nate

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #6 on: August 07, 2015, 07:16:46 PM »
I have started to notice that most men around our ages that are type A personalities tend to have girls
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Offline TexasRedNeck

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #7 on: August 07, 2015, 11:08:14 PM »
Maybe The Lord teaching us kindness and patience.


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Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

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Offline KensAuto

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #8 on: August 07, 2015, 11:41:19 PM »
Or he's punishing us for our past sins.




Lord, please forgive me for my dark humor.
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Offline TexasRedNeck

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #9 on: August 08, 2015, 12:05:32 AM »
Oh. And then theres that...


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Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

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Offline Nate

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #10 on: August 08, 2015, 10:11:43 AM »
I wouldn't have it any other way, the 10 years that I got to spend with my daughter calmed me down a bit and made me appreciate things more.
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Offline JR

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #11 on: August 08, 2015, 11:39:26 AM »
Maybe The Lord teaching us kindness and patience.


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First thing that came to my head.

What would bring a type A person down to earth faster than little girl you made and have to teach life lessons too while attempting to keep your sanity.
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Offline EL TATE

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #12 on: August 10, 2015, 09:04:47 AM »
I can tell you that is why I received my little girl. Whenever I get upset she just straight up tells me what the Lord has been trying to; "you know dad, I don't like it when you talk angry, you only have to talk nice to me". Cuts straight to the heart. Then I get a big hug.
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Offline Flyin6

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #13 on: August 10, 2015, 09:19:07 AM »
I can tell you that is why I received my little girl. Whenever I get upset she just straight up tells me what the Lord has been trying to; "you know dad, I don't like it when you talk angry, you only have to talk nice to me". Cuts straight to the heart. Then I get a big hug.
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OldKooT

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #14 on: August 12, 2015, 01:48:55 PM »
Tell you what.... we have 4 girls yet at home, all teens. Congratulations on getting to the NEXT phase of being a Father.... it's called confusion LoL Prayer helps, so does a sense of humor... and it helps also if you enjoy irony.
















Offline cudakidd53

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #15 on: August 12, 2015, 02:38:53 PM »
RedNeck- I've got a 10 yr. old daughter and have been mentally dreading the same "life event" having it run through my mind recently out in the woods running dogs off horseback and she lets me know she's gotta relieve herself- thank God we had a bucket with a lid in it in the horse trailer!  Then that "dred" runs through my mind!

Please take good notes, cuz' I'm gonna have one going in as momma is going out- my life to soon be sponsored by Prozac!  Lol-
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Offline KensAuto

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #16 on: August 12, 2015, 03:03:47 PM »
Been there done that Mike.
and menapause aint no joke. Just go shoot yourself now, it's easier.
 If not, she might!!
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Offline cudakidd53

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #17 on: August 12, 2015, 05:46:18 PM »
Been there done that Mike.
and menapause aint no joke. Just go shoot yourself now, it's easier.
 If not, she might!!

And that, my friends is why I have a SAFE! ;D
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Offline Nate

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #18 on: August 15, 2015, 10:59:31 AM »
folks,

I moved posts from another thread over to here because it was not truly pertaining to that the original thread was about.

so lets continue to talk about the costs of owning a home/s utilities here.

http://real-man-truckworks-and-survival.com/index.php?topic=1295.0
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Offline cudakidd53

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #19 on: August 15, 2015, 11:17:18 AM »
folks,

I moved posts from another thread over to here because it was not truly pertaining to that the original thread was about.

so lets continue to talk about the costs of owning a home/s utilities here.

http://real-man-truckworks-and-survival.com/index.php?topic=1295.0

Good idea Nate-

This now makes you a U.D.O.T. - Un-Derailer Of Threads!
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Offline Flyin6

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #20 on: August 15, 2015, 09:58:41 PM »
Heaven forbid!
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Offline EL TATE

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #21 on: August 25, 2015, 04:33:11 PM »
Spent some time with Sophie last night. She's grown 1.5" since October and is big enough for her big girl bike now. Not only big enough, but races the thing up and down the street, has fallen twice but no tears. She's "almost ready to get rid of her trike, but not just yet daddy. I still like it". Ran inside afterwards to tell her mom that "Daddy taught me how to ride my big bike!". Melted.
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Offline Nate

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #22 on: August 25, 2015, 05:27:48 PM »
cherish those memories brother
If you need the promise of eternity in the kingdom of heaven to be a good person … You were never a good person in the first place!

Offline TexasRedNeck

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #23 on: August 25, 2015, 08:11:13 PM »
the two family videos I cherish most are the ones of me running behind each of the kid's the bike and letting go without telling them and turning to my wife and pumping my fists in triumph!
Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

Joshua 6:20-24

Offline JR

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #24 on: August 26, 2015, 12:53:27 AM »
Here is one of my favorites. This was from a review I did and the picture made it into an international magazine too.
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Offline EL TATE

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #25 on: August 31, 2015, 06:53:45 PM »
cherish those memories brother

You know I will.

 
the two family videos I cherish most are the ones of me running behind each of the kid's the bike and letting go without telling them and turning to my wife and pumping my fists in triumph!

I so look forward to that day.
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Offline rpar86

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #26 on: August 31, 2015, 07:36:07 PM »
Spent some time with Sophie last night. She's grown 1.5" since October and is big enough for her big girl bike now. Not only big enough, but races the thing up and down the street, has fallen twice but no tears. She's "almost ready to get rid of her trike, but not just yet daddy. I still like it". Ran inside afterwards to tell her mom that "Daddy taught me how to ride my big bike!". Melted.

We have that exact same bike. Took the carriage off the handle bars though because we didn't think the kid needed the distraction...

Though I gotta say...where's her helmet!? (probably a posed picture  ;) )
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Offline Nate

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #27 on: August 31, 2015, 09:29:31 PM »
whats this helmet that you speak of ryan?

I learned right quick that it would hurt if I hit my head and I would be sure to not do it again.
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Offline EL TATE

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #28 on: September 01, 2015, 10:16:26 AM »
Posed picture. We have a private street, but she wears it when she's riding whether she likes it or not, lol
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Offline cudakidd53

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #29 on: September 01, 2015, 02:59:17 PM »
whats this helmet that you speak of ryan?

I learned right quick that it would hurt if I hit my head and I would be sure to not do it again.

And that's why we drool sometimes Nate!  :o  < or look like that-
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Offline Nate

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #30 on: September 01, 2015, 09:57:59 PM »
Hey now, i have earned every beauty mark on this handsome face!
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Offline JR

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #31 on: September 02, 2015, 12:40:09 AM »
My oldest boy knocked both front teeth out because he wouldn't use the brake. He insisted on running into a bush or dragging his feet to stop.

After a visit to the dentist to remove the bloody hanging mess, he learned his lesson. YES, they were his baby teeth thank GOD!!!!

How did we all survive without helmets, seatbelts, riding in pickup beds and staying out all day without supervision or water bottle 3 feet away????
« Last Edit: September 02, 2015, 08:22:08 AM by nmeyer414 »
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Offline Sammconn

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #32 on: September 02, 2015, 09:15:19 AM »

How did we all survive without helmets, seatbelts, riding in pickup beds and staying out all day without supervision or water bottle 3 feet away????
And oh yeah, ate carrots right out of the dirt, actually got dirty, and we're healthy and happy.
I can remember riding in the back of our station wagon, hanging out/at the window waving to those behind us.
I still wonder how we survived.
I just don't want to wind up missing a digit or limb.  I can sometimes get in a hurry to get results.
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Offline KensAuto

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #33 on: September 02, 2015, 10:37:16 AM »
I miss the old station wagon, riding along through the desert on the roof rack trying to shoot doves on the move, while dad (with his sick sense of humor) was doing his best to dislodge me and my brother. Yeah, the good ole days. I did pay him back with a dead rattler thrown in his lap. "dad, check out this quail we hit..." lol
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Offline Sammconn

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #34 on: September 02, 2015, 12:04:31 PM »
On that note, I've seen (been) the three abreast shooting grouse and prairie chicken holding on to the roll bar of the pickup. Bouncing down along fencelines and tree strips.

With how dangerous it is to grow up these days I'm not sure how any of us made it either!

And what a fine payback Ken. I bet there was some shock value to that one.
I just don't want to wind up missing a digit or limb.  I can sometimes get in a hurry to get results.
Sam

Offline EL TATE

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #35 on: September 02, 2015, 01:29:30 PM »
Summers involved running the entire neighborhood and then some, just be back by the time the street lights came on. bb gun fights were normal, not sure what this airsoft plastic bs is all about, just don't pump it over 4 times... I'm talking to you Harold. robbing the neighbor's wood scrap pile to build a tree house 30 ft up in a fir tree and 2 ft down from the powerlines. practice throwing grandpa's kbar into the wood rounds until the skull thumper bounced it back into my neck. (minor flesh wound). Now the wife freaks if sophie's on the swingset by herself... I had 17 broken bones by the time I was 16, but that never changed my parents approach. Guess it took me longer to learn what was a good idea and what wasn't.
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Offline KensAuto

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #36 on: September 02, 2015, 01:49:22 PM »
Sam, that didn't turn out so well for me. Walking a few miles back to the house was just the start.
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Offline TexasRedNeck

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #37 on: September 02, 2015, 02:05:17 PM »
Dads. Dish it out but can't take it. No sense of humor.


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Offline Nate

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #38 on: September 02, 2015, 02:27:21 PM »
there not supposed to have a sense of humor     ;D
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Offline TexasRedNeck

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #39 on: December 20, 2016, 11:07:46 AM »
Well, the oldest is now 13 and the youngest just turned 11.  I gave my oldest a phone when she turned 12.  When I gave it to her, I told her that what I was handing her was as dangerous as one of my pistols.  It had the power to ruin her life and that nothing she does or says on that phone should be considered private.  I've disabled everything other than calls and texts, but still that's enough to get her in trouble.

She needs it to communicate with us as she's involved in a lot of after school activities like dance, debate, Nat'l Jr Honor Society, etc.  Last week she leaves it on the bench at school when being picked up.  We went back and it was gone.  I tried to activate find my phone but it was not installed onthat phone.  Fortunately someone turned it in at the office.  So I was updating software and installing anc activating Find My Phone and decided to do my fatherly duty and review all her pictures and texts.  Found a friend that was texting her about sending dirty jokes. 

My daughters downfall was not telling her friend not to send them.  Instead she said, send it and then I'll delete it and that her battery was about dead so she would respond and let her know when to send it.....

So....I texted her friend as though I was my daughter and told her to send it.  It was innocuous "don't foget to blow up the beach balls" I guesss getting the word "balls" in a joke was dirty for them.

So I called my daughter out on it and she knew she was wrong and knew she should have told her friend not to send jokes.  I also reinforced that nothing on that phone is private and she should talk to her friend and tell her she got in trouble and that she would appreciate her not sending anymore jokes.  Ofcourse my daughter wanted to text her and I said, no.  You need to talk to her face to face in person.

I also told her that if I caught her again (and I'd be checking) that she'd lose her phone and ability to particpate in after school activities.

Have you guys dealt with this? how did you handle it?

Are there any sofware that logs all keystrokes and text messages?
Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

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Offline Flyin6

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #40 on: December 20, 2016, 11:20:30 AM »
Well, the oldest is now 13 and the youngest just turned 11.  I gave my oldest a phone when she turned 12.  When I gave it to her, I told her that what I was handing her was as dangerous as one of my pistols.  It had the power to ruin her life and that nothing she does or says on that phone should be considered private.  I've disabled everything other than calls and texts, but still that's enough to get her in trouble.

She needs it to communicate with us as she's involved in a lot of after school activities like dance, debate, Nat'l Jr Honor Society, etc.  Last week she leaves it on the bench at school when being picked up.  We went back and it was gone.  I tried to activate find my phone but it was not installed onthat phone.  Fortunately someone turned it in at the office.  So I was updating software and installing anc activating Find My Phone and decided to do my fatherly duty and review all her pictures and texts.  Found a friend that was texting her about sending dirty jokes. 

My daughters downfall was not telling her friend not to send them.  Instead she said, send it and then I'll delete it and that her battery was about dead so she would respond and let her know when to send it.....

So....I texted her friend as though I was my daughter and told her to send it.  It was innocuous "don't foget to blow up the beach balls" I guesss getting the word "balls" in a joke was dirty for them.

So I called my daughter out on it and she knew she was wrong and knew she should have told her friend not to send jokes.  I also reinforced that nothing on that phone is private and she should talk to her friend and tell her she got in trouble and that she would appreciate her not sending anymore jokes.  Ofcourse my daughter wanted to text her and I said, no.  You need to talk to her face to face in person.

I also told her that if I caught her again (and I'd be checking) that she'd lose her phone and ability to particpate in after school activities.

Have you guys dealt with this? how did you handle it?

Are there any sofware that logs all keystrokes and text messages?
In a school near here Sexting is the big trap the girls fall into.

It happened with one of my girls. Went to church with the other family. So we nipped it in the bud like immediately. Saved both of them. But another friend's daughter got all caught up in it as well. He is strong enough to handle it, and has had success getting her back on track

Phones, computers, texting, skyping, gaming...all of that has potential pitfalls.

Bring them up in the ways of the Lord and they will come home to what they know and have been taught.
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Offline EL TATE

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #41 on: December 20, 2016, 11:27:33 AM »
http://www.toptenreviews.com/software/privacy/best-cell-phone-parental-control-software/

"...trust but verify" - Reagan.

For a while we had a GPS locator app installed on Sam's phone so when he was "at his friend's house" but showed up at a movie theater, we called him to let him know his phone must have been stolen! That little shenanigan didn't happen again.
« Last Edit: December 20, 2016, 11:29:37 AM by EL TATE »
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Offline TexasRedNeck

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #42 on: December 20, 2016, 11:33:28 AM »
Thanks Tate I have Net Nanny on her laptop but I need something better on the phone.

Don, I talked to her about sexting and told her it WILL happen and when it does delete it immediately.  A friends son received a sext and deleted it. His buddy forwarded it and learned that there is no age restrictions on child porn. At 16 he was charged with distributing child pornography. 


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Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #43 on: December 20, 2016, 12:06:25 PM »
TRN...there is software available that can track txt n #'s called and so forth. I have no experience with any of them personally. I know officers that use such "apps" for their kids.

We took a different approach...no phones in High School. The oldest daughter still at home just turned 19 she has her own phone/contact it's her issue.

The other 3 have no phone. They are either at school (landlines available) or at work (also available) or at someones home (again available) In short we force them to communicate the old fashioned way.


Offline JR

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #44 on: December 20, 2016, 01:53:36 PM »
I need to get on this. Locator and all the limits. I trust to much since they are my kids.

Only my daughter has a phone. She is a straight A student though, on the cross country/tract team and first seat flute in the band.
Retired LEO  Lifetime NRA+  Outcast in Calif

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Offline Bob Smith

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #45 on: December 20, 2016, 04:10:12 PM »
And because you cared enough all along is reason enough to continue. She will understand, and it leaves the door open for a good conversation too.

Offline stlaser

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #46 on: December 20, 2016, 04:41:14 PM »
My two oldest daughters have their own phones almost 15 & 13, their mother and I are very close with them. We don't use fancy software or normally look at the phones but they know we can if we have suspicions. We continue to cover all the bases frequently in terms of what can happen. Since my schedule is flexible I run them around to events etc. This was actually part of the plan when we moved to CO.

When they were young I was on the road all the time & mom was home with them. As they have matured I felt it was more important than ever that I their Dad be involved. I say this because I used to be the teenage boy dating the girls who's fathers weren't involved. The ones who were I didn't last long as I was weeded out so to speak.

If you're involved there are plenty of examples to point out where other kids are not on the correct path & discuss it. The last thing I might add is that I don't tell them what to do necessarily in all instances. I give them my perspective, I take the time to explain it & answer any questions then let them make the descisions. I am by no means the smartest or best Dad but my girls really have not disappointed me yet. Funny thing about this is that I have been told recently my views were out dated only to be told a month later that I was in fact correct in my old way thinking still.
Living in the remote north hoping Ken doesn’t bring H up here any time soon…..

OldKooT

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #47 on: December 20, 2016, 06:11:02 PM »
Your not outdated in the slightest. I agree being "involved" is the key. I also feel saddling kids with life's responsibility at a young age is important. 

Our kids pay their own way at age 14 for clothing, vehicles, education, and personal items. Although they gripe about it when 14, the older kids who now own their own homes paid for, and made their own way, have said many times they are glad they had that education.

The twins being the youngest started earlier picking up work anywhere they can. They now own their own lawn care company at age 15 and work after school all winter in fast food to stay busy and cover expenses. They each banked close to 30k last year.

They were just discussing last night about buying some add time at the local theater for next years lawn work. I suggested they will need to hire help at the rate they are going, and their evil step father needs a job.

Since they all look like their Mom, they have many suitors..but that's a different discussion.

The above all said it's just how we do it....everyone's world and situation is different. And any given day I could rant about someone doing something "dumb" they are kids...





Offline cruizng

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #48 on: December 21, 2016, 08:31:42 AM »
My two cents.. I have a 18 year old girl and 15 year old boy. Both have have smartphones for several years. What I have beat into their heads is similar to what others have said that nothing is private that you put or say on the thing. My acid test has always been with them that if they weren't comfortable putting that picture or information up on the family noteboard for all to see it shouldn't be on the device.

I have also beat the "why would you give someone that control over you" speech over and over. Why would you allow someone else to control your destiny by giving them pictures or speech that they could then use against you. (Like sexting or bullying txt) My daughter seems to be very thoughtful about it and has only had a couple of times over the years we had issues. She joined in a group chat that was derogatory to another girl. She knew it was wrong and didn't do anything about it. So she lost her phone privileges for several months and haven't seen anything like that for years afterwards. 

My son, we have to keep a closer eye but still haven't seen anything yet.

They both are very busy with school, work and activities so I think that is the key. My wife is always home so she can monitor what they have been doing. Their friends always want to come to our house because my wife feeds them very well so we get to see what kind of kids are their friends up close. So that has helped a ton.

We always reinforced that the device was ours and it could be taken away at a moments notice and they could go old school communication. (not a bad idea by the way). We tried several different software and monitoring solutions. Some were real expensive and you had to sift through a lot of info to find something maybe inappropriate. So we canned all of that. I use OpenDNS for blocking the bad stuff on our home network but that is very basic at best plus they can use their cell phones data if they want to bypass the WiFi block.

The best thing we have always done is set down the simple rules. They can't install or sign up for any account without our permission. They have their own email accounts for very specific things but we know all of the user id's and passwords.

The main thing is we have their screen lock codes and can open the phones and check the txt's, applications, pictures, etc... at anytime. We will randomly ask to see their phone and just cruise through it and ask them questions. Not an interrogation but more from a hey.. see we can look at anytime, and if we see you have violated the rules you lose the "luxury" of having a phone.

That seems to have the biggest impact on them.
Mike
Sold the DMax in MN and am currently vehicle less.

Offline mjmbrown

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Re: A dad's reality check
« Reply #49 on: December 21, 2016, 12:45:26 PM »
My oldest son (12 yrs) got his phone last summer, like most of your kids he has activities and "sleep overs" AKA stay up all night playing video games eating whatever and in general being a gross pre teen. Since he was going into his first year of middle school we felt the need to give him a form of communication with us when hes at school or going to be with friends. We were all teenagers and it terrifies me, but my parents couldn't "track" me like I can with his phone. I make sure his location service (iPhone) is turned on and can see where is at any given time of day. We also have a rule, if mom or dad calls you, you answer. Obviously we cant call him during class but when he is with friends there is no excuse not to answer. the damn phone doesn't leave his hand anyways. 

I installed an internet browser called Mobicip which take the place of Safari and communicates directly to my phone what is being searched and if anything gets blocked,  it sends me a notice to either allow it or decline. Like most parental controls its a bit overzealous, but better safe than sorry. The texting is harder to control as you can delete messages, both his mother and I conduct random inspections of all the texting, pictures and applications. the hardest part of some the apps is that they have other messaging software built inside of them so you have to dig around just to be sure. We have been very candid and forward from day 1 about our expectations and the cruel disgusting things that can be shared via smartphones. its as simple as once you break my trust you can never rebuild it. 

 

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