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Offline TexasRedNeck

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Defective firewood
« on: December 23, 2015, 07:34:26 PM »
My patience is growing.

I was standing at the counter of the state park paying for my stay when a guy walks in with a bundle of firewood demanding a refund because it was defective.  " a ceramic log would have burned better, we used the fire starter (a wax and saw dust cup) and it wouldn't start. All we had for a fire was the fire starter."

This firewood I had bought the night before and had no problem with it. You can't take a wax fire starter and set it under a big hunk of tight grained live oak and spect it to burst into flame. 

It was all I could do to not to say something pithy like " wow, that Eagle Scout badge came in handy". SMH. Got to get some smaller pieces off of it to get a fire going before you burn an 20 inch 4 inch diameter piece of hardwood....

Worst part was he was being an ass in front of his kids and wife.

It's those kind of people that won't make it with the fecal matter hits the fan.
Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

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Offline stlaser

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Re: Defective firewood
« Reply #1 on: December 24, 2015, 09:54:29 AM »
Definitely a learning curve when burning wood.......

Had a shop wood burner for years that I always started with an oxy / acetylene torch (yeah add a little used motor oil & this is the ticket to starting a fire). We then purchased a high efficiency wood insert for the house. First winter was rough but definitely a learning experience when it came to wood selection & starting fires. Reality is we all start somewhere & this guy apparently needed a lesson which may have started with a boot in his rear.......
Living in the remote north hoping Ken doesn’t bring H up here any time soon…..

Offline TexasRedNeck

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Re: Defective firewood
« Reply #2 on: December 24, 2015, 09:57:58 AM »
Yeah had he come I asking for help instead of being an ass I'd have gladly helped him.


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Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

Joshua 6:20-24

Offline stlaser

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Re: Defective firewood
« Reply #3 on: December 24, 2015, 10:01:22 AM »
TRN, I've been in those situations & I always feel bad for the kids so my patience & being a glutton for punishment usually grows exponentially. Can't fix stupid but you can help by pass it as it's for the kids! ::)
Living in the remote north hoping Ken doesn’t bring H up here any time soon…..

Offline TexasRedNeck

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Re: Defective firewood
« Reply #4 on: December 24, 2015, 10:11:19 AM »
Well. I have not reached that zen like moment. I'm just happy not to have lit him up in front of his family. 

I will keep trying.  :-)


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Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

Joshua 6:20-24

Offline stlaser

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Re: Defective firewood
« Reply #5 on: December 24, 2015, 10:24:58 AM »
Progress, progress...... :D
Living in the remote north hoping Ken doesn’t bring H up here any time soon…..

Offline cudakidd53

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Re: Defective firewood
« Reply #6 on: December 24, 2015, 10:27:03 AM »
Well. I have not reached that zen like moment. I'm just happy not to have lit him up in front of his family. 

I will keep trying.  :-)


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ROTFLMAO- like the pithy comments!  TRN- we're it not for the kids, might you have given him a gallon of gas!  ;)
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Offline TexasRedNeck

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Re: Defective firewood
« Reply #7 on: December 24, 2015, 10:34:52 AM »
Rofl. I'd have probably said its hard to light a fire with both eyes swollen shut....


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Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

Joshua 6:20-24

Offline EL TATE

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Re: Defective firewood
« Reply #8 on: January 05, 2016, 06:29:37 PM »
This is just too too much. I'm tearing up a little here guys. I'm surprised he didn't try an entire box of matches one at a time to see if he could "heat the flu". Oof I haven't laughed like that since I was a little girl, thank you. Was he wearing L.L.Bean Duck shoes and a cable knit sweater? The image in my head is probably way funnier than real life, but good for you for not humiliating the guy. I would have failed by not containing my laughter.
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Offline TexasRedNeck

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Re: Defective firewood
« Reply #9 on: January 05, 2016, 08:02:30 PM »

Was he wearing L.L.Bean Duck shoes and a cable knit sweater? The image in my head is probably way funnier than real life
No I think you are on target. Very LL Bean and driving a Ford Escape with a UCLA sticker on the back


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Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

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Offline EL TATE

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Re: Defective firewood
« Reply #10 on: January 07, 2016, 05:40:06 PM »
Yeah thought so.  He should have gone with the digitally controlled, faux log propane outdoor fire pit.
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Offline Dawg25385

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Re: Defective firewood
« Reply #11 on: January 07, 2016, 06:08:10 PM »
Yeah thought so.  He should have gone with the digitally controlled, faux log propane outdoor fire pit.

Hey, those are pretty handy when there's a burn ban!
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Offline EL TATE

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Re: Defective firewood
« Reply #12 on: January 07, 2016, 06:15:42 PM »
Lol if anyone on here had one... it would be you, (me too actually) lol. As much as my wife likes to be in leavenworth, we saw them a few times there and began coveting them as i roasted Sophie's s'mores over the bbq.
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Offline Nate

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Re: Defective firewood
« Reply #13 on: January 07, 2016, 06:20:25 PM »
you 2 have just lost your man cards!  you will have 24 hours to turn them in..... ;D
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Offline Dawg25385

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Defective firewood
« Reply #14 on: January 07, 2016, 07:11:17 PM »
Hey dude, I tell ya what! When there's a ban, and you're able to sit around a fire, totally worth it...

We have the "Little Red Campfire", love it. 65k btu's, and super compact. It stays in the trailer at all times. But fear not, man card can be retained... We burn wood unless it would get me a big ole ticket. Nothin like the warmth of a nice hot fire.


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« Last Edit: January 07, 2016, 07:14:10 PM by Dawg25385 »
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Offline rpar86

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Re: Defective firewood
« Reply #15 on: January 08, 2016, 02:00:43 AM »
I chuckled at the Eagle Scout comment because I am one.

Been known to start a few campfires with assistance of lighter fluid or propane torch... :)
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Offline Farmer Jon

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Re: Defective firewood
« Reply #16 on: January 08, 2016, 07:41:11 AM »
Every time we go camping its a challenge to see how quickly I can make a fire with no lighter fluid. Sometimes it takes a while. I always bring a gallon of diesel. Ever since I doused a pile of wet wood with gas then I couldn't get the paper lit to throw on it. By the time i got it lit we had flames from vapor 6 ft out from the ring. Diesel don't do that.

Then my boss and his buddies would all go to Colorado on a ski trip every year. Get a big condo with a fire place. I said that must be nice sitting around the fire having drinks after a day on the slopes. He looked right at me and said nobody can ever get the fire lit. Really? Wow. What a bunch of men you guys are.
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Offline Higher Caliber

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Re: Defective firewood
« Reply #17 on: January 08, 2016, 08:57:52 AM »
I just use a small pile of instant lite charcoal. That's usually good for a ten minute flame that'll get even wet logs dried off and cooking!


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Offline TexasRedNeck

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Re: Defective firewood
« Reply #18 on: January 08, 2016, 09:12:46 AM »
Ever since I doused a pile of wet wood with gas then I couldn't get the paper lit to throw on it. By the time i got it lit we had flames from vapor 6 ft out from the ring. Diesel don't do that.

Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

Joshua 6:20-24

Offline TexasRedNeck

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Re: Defective firewood
« Reply #19 on: January 08, 2016, 09:18:35 AM »
I just use a small pile of instant lite charcoal. That's usually good for a ten minute flame that'll get even wet logs dried off and cooking!


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Thats a good one too Blaine.  I carry those fire starter sticks that are wax and wood fiber in packages that you break in parts.  They come in a big box at the grocery store.

I'm going to try your method next time. 
Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

Joshua 6:20-24

Offline KensAuto

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Re: Defective firewood
« Reply #20 on: January 08, 2016, 09:26:41 AM »

......  I carry those fire starter sticks that are wax and wood fiber in packages that you break in parts.  They come in a big box at the grocery store.

I'm going to try your method next time. 

That's what I keep under the back seat in my truck, along with a quart of ATF. Work's great on wet wood.
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Offline EL TATE

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Re: Defective firewood
« Reply #21 on: January 08, 2016, 10:52:07 AM »
When I'm backpacking, paper egg containers stuffed with old dryer lint and paraffin wax poured over the top. Let it cool and harden and break them up into individual, LONG lasting greasy candles. 6" flame easy for about 10 min. If I'm ultra light, couple Vaseline covered cotton balls in a film container do the same trick but burn quicker. (hard to find film containers these days though).

My personal favorite for shock and awe is scraping the backside of cedar bark into very lightweight fluff, shape into a birds nest and use the magnesium fire starter with the flint striker molded into it. Always manlier when your lady knows you started that glorious fire without matches.

The fake campfire, like Dawg stated, would be for burn ban moments and for Duck shoes guy over by TRN.
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Offline EL TATE

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Re: Defective firewood
« Reply #22 on: January 08, 2016, 10:52:48 AM »
I just use a small pile of instant lite charcoal. That's usually good for a ten minute flame that'll get even wet logs dried off and cooking!


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Freaking genius. This will be my new go to. Thank you Blaine.
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Offline cudakidd53

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Re: Defective firewood
« Reply #23 on: January 08, 2016, 12:27:59 PM »
I just use a small pile of instant lite charcoal. That's usually good for a ten minute flame that'll get even wet logs dried off and cooking!


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Freaking genius. This will be my new go to. Thank you Blaine.

Put some in a vacuum seal bag- keeps dry, and smell/fumes contained......then store under back truck seat!
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Offline Dawg25385

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Re: Defective firewood
« Reply #24 on: January 08, 2016, 01:01:56 PM »
Stashing a duraflame log in the trailer may not be a bad idea either... esp for the beach where it's typically really damp and windy
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Offline Farmer Jon

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Re: Defective firewood
« Reply #25 on: January 10, 2016, 09:27:59 AM »
Ever since I doused a pile of wet wood with gas then I couldn't get the paper lit to throw on it. By the time i got it lit we had flames from vapor 6 ft out from the ring. Diesel don't do that.




Yea pretty much. Learned a lesson that day.

That charcoal thing that wold work really well I never thought of that. I actually do have a dura-log stashed in my camper I keep forgetting about.
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