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Offline Farmer Jon

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Bullies
« on: February 03, 2017, 05:45:39 PM »
Here is a link to a story that hapened in Council Bluffs Ia. http://www.wowt.com/content/news/Girl-held-down-on-bus-while-bullies-wrote-loser-on-her-forehead-family-says-412615673.html?abc=0jLoOWIv


My 6 year old is being bullied in kindergarten. My wife has brought it to the attention of the teacher. I'm letting my wife handle it because shes more level headed. I'd likely go off on someone. But it continues. He said now some older kids say  are going to take his eye out and come at him with raised fist. No one has hit him yet but i see a visit to the school in my future. It's gone on long enough.

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Offline Bigdave_185

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Bullies
« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2017, 09:01:54 PM »
That is a rough road for a young man, as a father I would give him the toolsto handle himself or to protect someone else who can't. I believe the quote is " you can be a sheep, goat, or a wolf or the shepherd......"
on a further note my daughter had a 16 year old boy bring a hand gun to school, He was confronted by another student and he told the school officer.  It was all handled before the first bell rang

Our kids are growing in an ever more scary world.

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« Last Edit: February 03, 2017, 09:03:31 PM by Bigdave_185 »

Offline Flyin6

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #2 on: February 03, 2017, 09:07:21 PM »
Teach him to flatten their nose

Serves multiple purposes
1. They will have a very painful broken nose which they deserve
2. The pain will always remind them who did it to them
3. The bullying will stop
4. If you flatten someone's nose the break causes the victims eyes to water so you can escape or plant a good kick between the legs or into the solar plexus.
5. It will teach your son that he can win a fight
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Offline Bigdave_185

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2017, 09:16:41 PM »
 Boxing classes will serve a kid along time. Then when he is suspended from school you take the time off also and go camping or buy him a atv or dirt bike


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Online stlaser

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #4 on: February 03, 2017, 09:19:32 PM »
As my grandpa used to say if you know you're gunna get hit swing first (& you'll know, btw he was right). Once you start swinging don't stop until they ain't getting up. If there is a group of them never back down & pick one to get get the blood rolling on & the rest won't want any (broken noses as Don pointed out work well btw). I think that is pretty much it other than he once made the comment "I never thought he would take that advice to heart as much as he did...."
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Offline TexasRedNeck

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #5 on: February 03, 2017, 09:35:41 PM »
Personally I'm a fan of the throat punch....


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Offline Bob/OlallaWa

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #6 on: February 03, 2017, 09:48:53 PM »
Normally if the kid will stand up to the biggest one of the group the game is over before it starts. Before the bully can finish "you have to start it" put him on the ground, game over.

Offline Farmer Jon

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #7 on: February 04, 2017, 06:55:28 AM »
Zane is soft harted like his mother. He's been taught not to hit first but if someone hits him he should finish it and he won't be in trouble. Might be in trouble in school but not with us. He finally told us who the kid is. They farm near us and we have actually worked together a few times. I know his dad pretty well. I'm going to go talk to him. I'm trying not to raise too much heck with the school because Jasper is starting preschool next year.  He is hell on wheels. The two boys couldent be more opposite.

I've done the nose flattening myself.  In my school the guidance counselor was the football,  basketball and track coach. When you are up against one of his jocks only one person gets suspended. Its not the jock.

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Offline Wilbur

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #8 on: February 04, 2017, 08:53:01 AM »
The "anti-bullying" bs in schools (at least here in MA) has gone so far astray as to do more damage imho. I saw it with my 2 oldest. ..my oldest was bullied by other girls unmercifully and I did what I thought was right by letting the school handle it. They made it worse (even a teacher being involved which I only found out after she graduated). With my son I told him I didn't want him to hit first but that he had every right to defend himself and if physically hit/shoved/pushed etc he would never be in trouble with me for fighting back. He got table topped by 2 kids (one kid crouches down behind him and another pushed him over the other kid). He chased them both down and beat the p**s out of them. We got called into the principal. I flipped on all of them (superintendent, principal and vice principal). Told them their "anti-bullying" bs was a joke and that I was REWARDING him at home for standing up for his rights as a person. I asked why he was being punished when the other 2 kids weren't there.  Etc etc. I was f'n pissed. They were hemming and hawing. I told them it's a good gd thing he was not in a wheelchair with a broken neck or something. A-holes every darn one of them.

The best part of all of this was that my son learned it's important to stand up to authority when you're in the right. Second he never got challenged again by any a holes at school. Both were lessons that stuck.

I've got a friend who's kids are younger in a different town and he's going through the same nonsense. The kid was getting picked on. Fortunately he told his son not to take it. He found the biggest one and punched him in the nose, blood everywhere, kid crying etc. He hasn't been bullied since. Bullies are that way bc no one outs them I their place that's why they prey on the weak.

Offline KensAuto

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #9 on: February 04, 2017, 02:28:08 PM »
Bravo Wilbur. This whole "2 wrongs don't make a right" is BS. Violence has to be met with violence, to some degree. People are still primitive in some respects, no matter how civilized we have become as humans.

Offline mjmbrown

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #10 on: February 04, 2017, 06:06:36 PM »
both my boys have been in taekwondo here locally since they old enough to enroll I think 5 or 6. I wrestled a bit in school and evolved into MMA, my wife wasn't wild about training them to be cage fighters so taekwondo has been a happy medium. my oldest now 12 was pushed around by a couple classmates for a few weeks when he was 8. he told me about it from day 1 and I never told him to use physical force but one day the main bully picked on his little brother     (my middle child) now 10. my oldest son used his discipline and training to show this kid who runs the playground. needless to say the bully ended up with a bloody nose and bruised ego. I got a call from the principal which turned into them trying to suspend him for defending my other son. to which I had a lot to say, we had to meet with the other kids parents, who were shocked their son would ever bully someone. I never backed down and had my son re-count some of the instances he was put through with the bullies. The teachers know my boys are very respectful and honest, the principal in the end withdrew his suspension and offered to meet with the counselor for "anger management." But in return I asked for the bullies to be held accountable, to which the jack ass replies with "they didn't hurt anyone".....are you kidding me??? when we met with the counselor  it turns out I grew up with her husband so it was brief. From that day forward my boys never got messed with. no my oldest is in middle school, starting all over with other peoples parenting mistakes.

In the end my son was remorseful for hurting him but I assured him he did the right thing. Both of them got their Jr black belt in December and are looking forward to one day being a full black belt.  on another note, some taekwondo schools offer sparring school once they reach a certain belt level. the pads aren't cheap but it gives them a chance to try their moves hand to hand with others. my boys are always suiting up at home and getting some anger out, a lot of times it ends up in a hole in the wall or the little guy kicking the older ones ass.

Offline Wilbur

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #11 on: February 05, 2017, 12:56:16 PM »
Mom good for your son sticking up for his brother, and good for you for standing your ground on the school bs. Ultimately your kids will be much better acclimated to the real world when they leave school than the pu**ies so many parents are raising.

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #12 on: February 05, 2017, 01:49:15 PM »
I have 3 girls so it's a little different, however we instilled the right of self defense long ago. The other point I was big on was that you stick together & watch out for each other above all else. If the old man ever finds out that didn't happen there will be hell to pay far worse than what a bully could ever present. Funny part once couple summers back they were at grandparents out of state with cousins. Older two decided to take sides with a cousin over my youngest. Grandma put the smack down quickly on that crap. Then they came home to Dad & heard about it again.
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Offline Farmer Jon

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #13 on: February 05, 2017, 02:55:04 PM »
I spoke with the boys father. I told him if the boy stores are differant to call me and we will get it the bottom it. No call yet but this should be over. We both agreed that a little teasing is always going to happen but 1st grade and kindergarten is way to young to start getting physical. His mother looked shocked to hear what I was saying. I think mostly because the boys use to be best friends and we are basically neighbors.

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Offline Flyin6

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #14 on: February 06, 2017, 10:54:24 AM »
Yesterday, I was training my security folks. I run a church security ministry. We were working surprise attack scenerios. I'd have a team come through the door and someone would jump them and they would have to respond

So I took my turn as a "Bad guy"

Would you know it...I picked Little Sarah who is a black belt, and as luck would have it, her instructor who is somewhere north of where she is.

This little powder keg of a girl hit me in the jaw with a good one then several more times in the chest and stomach. Then Steve the tornado wrapped me up like a cheese sandwich. I got up out of that mess with a new level of respect for little girls!

Training and courage...goes a long ways!
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Re: Bullies
« Reply #15 on: February 06, 2017, 01:14:39 PM »
Don got tuned up by a little girl & admitted it! I like this thread..... :wink:
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Offline Flyin6

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #16 on: February 06, 2017, 03:48:39 PM »
Don got tuned up by a little girl & admitted it! I like this thread..... :wink:
She can hit, sure enough!
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Offline EL TATE

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #17 on: February 06, 2017, 05:44:47 PM »
Personally I'm a fan of the throat punch....


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Me too. Especially for the kids from that article. I did karate, kickboxing, wrestling and a little judo when I was younger. almost never had to use it as I would let words just bounce off, but physically touch me and I'll snap your fingers, crush your instep and blast your windpipe faster than you can apologize. Don't really like fighting because I tend to go for the "most damage, least effort" approach and then usually feel guilty about it, so it had been YEARS since my last "conflict". While dating, my wife and I would go on dates in downtown Seattle, and would usually run into one or two meatheads that would try to cause trouble but I usually kept my cool and diffused the situation w/ biting sarcasm which led her to believe that I might be passive or nervous to let things get physical. Fast forward a few years to us on vacation in Disneyland w/ my oldest boy about 7, his little half brother who was only 3 at the time riding in the stroller on our way out of the park at closing time. Two big Mexican dudes, drunk, and without kids, are pushing their way through the crowd, and knock into Cyndie and almost knock over the stroller. I immediately holler loud enough to make them stop and turn around. Calling them out for their dangerous behavior. The bigger drunker of the two comes at me immediately and reached out to grab me and I grabbed his wrist on my far side and stopped his foot, putting him a** over teakettle into the bushes. His buddy took off and park security escorted the other fella out when everyone around us told them about the big bad Mexicans the 155lb 23 year old little white kid so there was not even a discussion, just a "thank you and enjoy your evening". Now my wife has the understanding and confidence that I do, so she doesn't worry about talkers anymore. I share that story to emphasize the confidence that a scrawny, picked on, glasses wearing short guy can get from knowing how to defend himself. I stopped caring about bullies long before I got into any fights because I knew I could take them and wasn't afraid to try. that was enough for me. You can't make people change, you certainly can't rely on administration to do ANYTHING for you, but you can "arm" your children with enough confidence and emotional tools to deal with them, and pretty smartly.
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Offline KensAuto

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #18 on: February 07, 2017, 02:35:42 PM »
Tate, let me say, from the bottom of my heart....

...I'm so sorry for the terrible things I've called you!!! hahahaha

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #19 on: February 07, 2017, 04:21:40 PM »
Ken, I'm kinda the opposite. After reading that and all the nasty things Tate has said about me I'm starting to think maybe he was/is the bully.......... :undecided:

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Offline KensAuto

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #20 on: February 07, 2017, 05:04:01 PM »
Hmm, never looked at it like that.

Offline EL TATE

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #21 on: February 08, 2017, 12:12:41 PM »
gimme your lunch money!
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Offline EL TATE

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #22 on: February 08, 2017, 12:15:24 PM »
Funny thing is, I have 3 sisters and taught them all the good soft spots and pressure points to escape or disable to protect themselves, and they mostly just used them on me for fun afterwards. Don't sneak up on my youngest sister and put your hands on her if you like reproducing or seeing out of both eyes.
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Offline Farmer Jon

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #23 on: February 08, 2017, 01:25:22 PM »
Update. That kid hasn't even talked to Zane all week. His buddies still pick at his some but he's standing up to them. With the ring leader down he seems to be able to handle it.

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Offline EL TATE

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #24 on: February 08, 2017, 05:25:51 PM »
That's great to hear Jon.
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Offline dave945

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #25 on: February 08, 2017, 05:37:10 PM »
Hey Don, let me know if you need a punching dummy for your team, I haven't been beaten on too much since I stopped doing taekwondo a few years ago.  My kids still try but I manage to win, but its a challenge when they all team up and its me against 8 or 9.  Worst part is trying not to squish the little ones.   :shocked:

My kids don't have to worry too much about bullies, as we homeschool, but sometimes they aren't the nicest to each other and try to bully one another.  We allow them to defend themselves between one another.  If we have to step in, there is a good chance both are going to get negative consequences from the interaction, so thy are pretty good about resolving it.

Offline Flyin6

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #26 on: February 09, 2017, 04:23:02 PM »
Hey Don, let me know if you need a punching dummy for your team, I haven't been beaten on too much since I stopped doing taekwondo a few years ago.  My kids still try but I manage to win, but its a challenge when they all team up and its me against 8 or 9.  Worst part is trying not to squish the little ones.   :shocked:

My kids don't have to worry too much about bullies, as we homeschool, but sometimes they aren't the nicest to each other and try to bully one another.  We allow them to defend themselves between one another.  If we have to step in, there is a good chance both are going to get negative consequences from the interaction, so thy are pretty good about resolving it.
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Offline Bigdave_185

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #27 on: April 28, 2017, 08:47:12 AM »
So  my nine year old,

John was eating lunch yesterday and a class mate decided to repeatedly spit on johns food, not ball up a green snot Lougee, but enough that John was getting spit on.   He told the boy to stop it, of course didn't stop. John didn't tell the teacher, John didn't eat his lunch.


If I understand correctly the class all eats together, the teacher is somewhere in the mix of this.   But to John's knowledge she did or said nothing.

What do you parents tell your kids? 
What do you as parents do as yourself for action?

I will respond with my response after all of you do.   

Thanks


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Offline EL TATE

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #28 on: April 28, 2017, 10:19:38 AM »
I'm unfortunately not the PC one to ask in this situation. Spit to me is no different than hitting me in the face and you will get clocked. To me that is one of the highest levels of disrespect and deserves an immediate and harsh response. I'm sorry your child had to deal with that. it's bullies in grade school and middle school that got me into wrestling and karate. only had to actually use it a handful of times but the confidence level it gave me was the major game changer.
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Offline Flyin6

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #29 on: April 28, 2017, 10:19:50 AM »
I tell mine to leave the situation if they can and just report it immediately. If it's physical, I have told them to take necessary steps such as an arm lock, punch in the nose or similiar to protect themselves, take a couple steps back and prepare for retaliation (Knife...club??) When the situation is stable, go find an adult...

If it's harassment which my boys get frequently because they are Christians and pretty well set in their morals, just look at the bully as a moron who is not worth their time. Do not cower, do not retreat, just carry on. Do nothing until the person touches them, then take them out violently and quickly.

It has happened. My boy was not suspended, but the other one was

Be prepared to fight an uphill battle with wussies (School administrators) who think we all have the right to flee. They will not like you, and probably consider you beneath them (Neanderthal) so you will have to argue and present logically and in congruence with common sense and the law.

Ultimately we are allowed to defend ourselves
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Re: Bullies
« Reply #30 on: April 28, 2017, 10:34:59 AM »
You don't mess with another persons food. I'm with Tate.......
« Last Edit: April 28, 2017, 02:10:08 PM by stlaser »
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Offline Sammconn

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #31 on: April 28, 2017, 10:36:10 AM »
I am on the same side as Tate and Don.
We more than once had some very vocal 'talks' with administration.

I can't say he never started anything as all do IMO, but when needed he didn't cower or walk away.

This society needs a real wake up call...
I just don't want to wind up missing a digit or limb.  I can sometimes get in a hurry to get results.
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Offline Bob/OlallaWa

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #32 on: April 28, 2017, 12:23:56 PM »
If your child did not agitate or dare the other child to spit, he should have taken immediate action to take control and defuse the other child's actions. Then find and report the incident to the teacher. You might end up in the office defending your child's actions, but so be it.

Offline Bigdave_185

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #33 on: April 28, 2017, 01:32:06 PM »
My response to my boys are much like yours.    He didn't tell anyone, he left his food and went hurngry.  He is a very shy child when it comes to him getting in trouble.  He is the class clown in class for the attention of the teacher.   Not a mean bone in this boy,Believe me I have tried to get it out. He shuts down in the moments


I told him.   You have three things you are to always protect and I will be behind you.  1. Your personal self 2. Your family 3. Your beliefs.    If those things become an issue I will stand behind you for any battle. 

Like Tate and Sam.  Spitting is just a nasty or worse to me.   That's vial.  We talked about how he felt what he wanted to do and so forth. 

I reached out and smacked my son in the mouth.  Not gentle. Not with all my might. Get a sting kind of smack and told him that should be his next reaction to a person spitting in his food.  No need to tell a teacher as I am sure the bully will shortly after getting smacked in the mouth and to not say a word except call my Dad! When you get to the school office if it gets that far


I know the world we live in is getting much worse and the problems we are   plagued with are not going to get easier for our children.  I appreciate the insight and thoughts. We will see where it goes from here


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Offline JR

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #34 on: April 28, 2017, 07:54:15 PM »
I agree with Don, Tate and well most of you. My boys are shy also, but advise them to tell someone. Don't start a fight, and never run from one.

Standing up for yourself is just not the thing to do today, not PC and thought as primitive. So be it.

I would advise make sure when he says stop, it is heard by most around him. See if the staff has the nads to do something.
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Offline Wilbur

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Re: Bullies
« Reply #35 on: April 28, 2017, 08:01:10 PM »
Dave I can't add anything to the advice you got. It's sad in today's day and age that the victim of bullying often "gets in trouble" too. The PC culture is awful. Teach him to fight back when necessary. Walk away, turn the other cheek etc. UNTIL they do something to you/him. Then respond quickly and brutally. It will stop. Good luck. Parenting is not for the faint of heart. And know you will have to defend him to the weak kneed administrators that staff schools today.