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Author Topic: Pilots v. Mechanics  (Read 410 times)

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Offline Wilbur

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Pilots v. Mechanics
« on: April 17, 2017, 04:12:13 PM »
Got this in a chain email and while I have to wonder if its true (I'm guessing much of it is BS but it still made me laugh) I thought of Don and had to share it....  :laugh:


Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

* P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

* P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

* P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

* P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

* P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

* P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

* P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

* P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.

* P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

* P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

* P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

* P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics..

* P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

* And the best one for last
* P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

Offline Sammconn

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Re: Pilots v. Mechanics
« Reply #1 on: April 17, 2017, 05:52:26 PM »
Not sure if still true, but at the time of the origin of this UPS was the only carrier to have not had a major 'event' with its fleet.
I love the hammer...
I just don't want to wind up missing a digit or limb.  I can sometimes get in a hurry to get results.
Sam

Offline EL TATE

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Re: Pilots v. Mechanics
« Reply #2 on: April 17, 2017, 06:46:24 PM »
my favorite:
* P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
Husband, Father, Gear guy, Patriot.

Offline Flyin6

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Re: Pilots v. Mechanics
« Reply #3 on: April 17, 2017, 08:05:29 PM »
I've seen those

Autoland not installed...
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